Why People Are Leaving Church

...And why I am one of them

The Western church is facing a pivotal moment in its history. We are at a point of crisis. People are leaving the church. The numbers don’t lie: membership and attendance are hitting record lows. Churches are emptying and Christians are wondering why God is allowing this to happen. They are trying though: churches. They are adapting, trying to become more inviting, more “seeker friendly:” getting better music, more casual dress, and more coffee. And snacks. After all, the surest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, right? And hearts and souls are the same thing, right? We’ve been hoping so.

This method is working in some places. Cool, hip churches with good kids programs where the kids have a great time with friends while the adults get warm fuzzy messages and coffee; it's appealing to people. But not enough people. And the churches are still bleeding out.

I am a Christian. And unlike many of my peers – I see this as a good thing. 

Wait, what? People leaving the church is a good thing? Isn’t that the opposite of what we’re supposed to say and think? Perhaps. As far as churches are concerned, losing people is a very bad thing. But this is where we come to the crux of the matter. I don’t believe that God is losing people, I believe that churches are losing members and there is a very important distinction there.

Let’s clear a few things up.

What do we mean by “church”?

“Church” as I am referring to it means a group of Christians who meet together for an hour or two on Sunday mornings to sing, pray, hear a message, shake hands, take up an offering, smile, perhaps laugh or cry, sign up for “small groups” where the participants will have nothing in common, and no doubt drink some coffee. It is a pretty standard description of a church meeting. When people are asked – “What is church?” that is not likely to be their answer, yet church-going people would be able to guess what I was describing 10 times out of 10 if I gave that description and asked them what it was.

When we talk about the church losing people, we mean people are no longer waking up Sunday morning to attend a location for singing, praying, listening to a pastor, shaking hands, giving to an offering, smiling, perhaps laughing or crying, signing up for a “small group” and drinking some coffee.

Church by this definition could be any variety of social clubs. The ones we are discussing just happen to have Jesus or God somewhere in that message and somewhere in those songs. Other than the names attached to the subject matter though, this could be a meeting of any other religion or secular segment of society. We have lost the plot as far as being Christ-followers is concerned and the church is now a clubhouse. And it’s just not that great of a clubhouse. So people are losing interest.

Why? Why are people losing interest?

Well, that’s the burning question, isn’t it? We’re getting there. 

But it is not the first thing that churchgoers say when I tell them I am not going to a church anymore. They do not tend to ask the burning question. They have some things they’d like to say before asking anything at all. So we will discuss them first.

So What is Worship, Anyway? 
"That’s the problem with our culture. It is all me me me. Well, church isn’t about you. It is about coming before God to worship him."

This is not a silly thing to say. We do live in a self-centered culture of individualism and worship is about God. So what is the problem? The problem is our warped definition of worship – the Sunday morning variety. There is nothing wrong with singing praise to God – there is a strong biblical precedent – but that is not the definition of worship. 

Praise – to express commendation, admiration, etc. for

Worship – to exhibit profound devotion, love and respect for

Praise = an expression

Worship = an exhibition

Praise is something you can say. Worship is something you must do.

Romans 12:1-2 says, “I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

This is a well-known passage among Christians, but we still fail to apply the knowledge to our understanding of church. Worship, spiritual worship which is holy and acceptable to God, is done with your whole body, mind and spirit, all the time, no exceptions. Anything that falls short of this definition is not worship – it could be praise, which is also good, but not the same as worship.

So what is real worship? 

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”

This is worship – the worship that God asks of us. This sentence is the entire Christian life summed up into a one line command. It is not something that can be accomplished in a period of time on a Sunday morning. It cannot be achieved in song. It is a calling to be separate from the world that we live in and to engage in an unceasing, everlasting struggle to “renew” our minds. Renew: “to begin again, to wipe clean, to restart.” We must erase our old lives and old values and old knowledge that is the wisdom of fools and reboot our minds with a different set of thoughts, goals, priorities, pains, hopes, and behaviours. Then we must strive to make our wills compatible with and identical to the will of God.

This is not something we do during the week and then come to a “worship” service on Sunday to be happy about it. The worship is the sacrificial journey. A life laid down, wiped clean, and begun again with God as master is the only way to exhibit profound devotion, love and respect for Him. It is the only way to worship God. Which leaves us wondering what a “worship service” at church is exactly.

"So what? You’re just mincing words. Praise. Worship. Fine, it’s not worship, but the point of church is to gather together to praise God. Satisfied?"

“Every day I will bless you, And I will praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord and highly to be praised, And his greatness is unsearchable.” Psalm 145:2-3

Is it a bad thing to join together in praise of God? No. Do I believe it brings God pleasure when a gathering of his true worshipful believers comes together and cries out his praises? Yes. 

“Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; For He is gracious and praise is becoming.” Psalm 147:1

Singing praise is a good habit. It can be engaged in anywhere and at any time. It cultivates a spirit of thanksgiving, a discipline of gratitude. Personally I like to sing praise while I wash dishes. I hate washing dishes. But by singing praise while I do it I remember that I am a servant, that I am loved as a good worker, that I am lucky to have dishes and to have the food to dirty them with. It helps. Sometimes it helps me to feel better, but much more importantly it causes me to refocus. Feelings are not important to living out a life of faith – but attitudes are vital. Singing praise and thanksgiving fills me with admiration and makes me more grateful; it helps with the reboot, that renewing of the mind.

Singing praise alone and as a collective is a good thing. I have no problem with this and I would encourage people to continue doing so. The problem is that praise does not only make God feel good. Praising God makes us feel good too. And that gets complicated when it sneaks in and becomes the new focus of going to church. Which for many people, it has.

We find Psalm 145:2 “Every day I will bless you, And I will praise your name” at the top of this answer because it brings the point home: Every day, singing praise must be done every day to avoid that emotional surge of an addict who has been in withdrawal when we gather for collective worship. That emotional surge wipes out our ability to absorb information and apply the primary reason for the gathering.

Primary reason? You’re saying that praising God is not the primary reason!?

I’m glad you asked.

The Primary Reason for meeting as a “Church”

“It doesn’t matter where you meet – our church meets in a school and my friend’s church meets in a movie theatre. We know there is nothing special about the building. The church is the people. But it is important to come together on a Sunday morning, no matter where you choose to go. As it says in Hebrews 10:25 ‘not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.’”

Here we have one of those adaptive churches that is seeking to connect in a more real way, in a culturally relevant place. The thought is a good one. The reality falls short of the goal however. Back at the top, our description of a church meeting – these churches still fit perfectly within that description. From the singing to the coffee. Some of the surface is different, but the substance is identical.

Hebrews 10:24-25 is the most cited rebuttal to a churchgoer announcing they will no longer be going. I would like to begin at verse 23 and extend to include up to verse 27 in my explanation.

“23Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful; 24and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, 25not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near. 26For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27but a terrifying expectation of judgement and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries.”(NASB)

Now, I didn’t add the last bit to talk about judgement and fire. I’m not interested right now, and frankly rarely ever.

No, what I wanted to point out begins in verse 26 “For if we go on sinning willfully.” Wait a second, where did the sin come from here?

Aha! A lady once told me. It is the sin of not going to church!

You can see how she got there. “…As is the habit of some.” It is this idea that the whole not assembling together business is a bad and sinful habit. There you go.

But no. That is not what is being said. Back to the top: “Let us hold fast” and then verse 24 “and let us consider how to stimulate” or in the ESV “and let us consider how to stir up one another” to love and good works (or deeds in the NASB). Here we arrive at the first purpose of church: to stir each other up and stimulate action. Not emotion, action. 

It goes on: “not neglecting to meet together… but encouraging one another.” (ESV) Here the word “encouraging” means literally “voicing exhortation with the goal of strengthening another’s faith.” This is not what we think of when we say the word encouraging. What comes to my mind is something like “You’re doing a great job, keep it up!” This does nothing to strengthen one’s faith. This has nothing to do with church according to the Hebrews definition. It doesn’t mean that is a bad thing to say. It can be lovely to hear something like that when you are feeling down. But that is called a praise or a compliment, not encouragement. We have confused our language irredeemably I fear. But the author of Hebrews has a specific definition in mind nothing like our modern one. Hebrew’s encouragement is exhortation: urging, pushing inciting, an appeal to action and strength.

So church has two main objectives according to Hebrews: we should stir up each other to act and build one another’s faith. Why? Because judgement is coming.

Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. It is right there: “…but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” What day? Judgement day.   

We are not supposed to be encouraging each other in a vague way or in a warm and fuzzy way. We are supposed to be exhorting and spurring each other to action because the time is short!

Now I don’t think that hell is good encouragement for anything and that doesn’t matter to the author’s point. The time is short. Whether we are secure of our salvation or not, life is short and at its end we will come face to face with our Lord. His arms will welcome me; of this I am certain, but all my failings and accomplishments will be laid bare. At the moment, let me tell you, the failings are by far the longer list. The accomplishments are paltry and few.  And while a list of accomplishments is not necessary to my salvation, facing the disappointment of having an offering so small to lay before my savior is more than I can bear. And the time is short. The day is coming. Do more for Christ before the time of your audience is upon you.

When is the last time you heard that in church? More importantly, when is the last time you said that in church? It doesn’t come up a whole lot during the hand shaking, smiling, or coffee drinking, does it?

“26 For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sin.”

The sin discussed here is the sin of falling away – the failure to hold fast, to stir up, to stimulate deeds, and to exhort with the goal of strengthening faith in light of the fact that the time is short. If you fail to meet together, you leave yourself open and vulnerable to this sin – this failure – of growing cold. But it is just as possible to meet in happy, social church and grow cold together.

Here we return to the “emotional surge” problem of church. Singing praises makes us feel happy. This is not a bad thing. I like to feel happy. Who doesn’t? But the purpose of church is to spur us to action. That is the primary reason for meeting together.

“Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

When we sing praises to God regularly and experience that emotional high every day, then we are not swept away by it anymore. This is a good thing. It’s like marriage. The longer we spend with our spouses, the less we experience any of those first reactions to them. Fireworks and a fluttering heart and shivers are things people sometimes miss in marriage, but if we couldn’t stop experiencing them every time we glanced across the kitchen table, we would never move on in life and we would miss out on many deeper experiences that come with relationship maturity. If we commit to God and spend time praising him every day, the fireworks will gradually disappear, stop derailing us, and we will develop a real relationship. A real relationship that can be sharpened and refined by each other.

So what’s the verdict?

In this mock dialogue the verdict is that we are both wrong. (Funny how often that is the case in debates and arguments – each person arguing an extreme, and so no one standing up for something that makes sense.)

·         On the one hand it is important to continue meeting together.

·         On the other it is important to stop “doing” church in a happy ‘encouraging’ meaningless way and start “being” church in a real every day worshipful way.

Continue Meeting Together

So I agree – it is important to meet together for the reasons outlined above. It is biblical. It is beneficial. 

But.

It has nothing to do with Sundays, with offering plates, with happy feelings, with pews, with platforms. Nor microphones, sound systems, pastors or power point, greeters, peppy music, buildings, snacks or coffee. None of those things are inherently evil, that is not what I am saying. What is wrong is the assumption that any of those things are necessary or even related to church.

If you happen to have a faith community with those things (any or all) where you are regularly exhorted and exhorting, spurred to act out of character, counter-culturally, selflessly and with one eye on the least of these and one eye on your fellow brothers and sisters making sure that they are acting rightly and hastily as is appropriate given that the time is short, then I am happy for you. Really and truly my heart soars for you and I want to hear all about it the day after judgement day when we are all together. (Or in a posted comment. Either works.)

But the reality is that here in the Western world most people at most churches are encountering nothing of the sort.

Start “Being” Church

Now we come down to it. The decision. The burning question. Why? Why are people losing interest and leaving the church? Why have I stopped going to church?

Church as I defined it – from the Sunday morning to the cookie cutter format and social club content – was draining and derailing me and rather than leaving me spurred to action and strengthened in my faith, it was leaving me empty at best, but angry at worst. The messages were always the same. The people were overly friendly and not willing to challenge anything at the risk of offending anyone. It was all surface and no substance. I left feeling as many people do: happy in having discharged a responsibility, buoyed up on that last peppy praise song and like I had deserved a hard won lunch and afternoon of fun and relaxation at home. In other words: nothing like the incitement and call to arms of the Hebrews church. Perhaps it is a good discipline to continue attending despite all of that. Perhaps it does other people a good turn and strengthens them in some way. 

Perhaps.

But it was dousing my light. And that left me with a choice. I could either continue “doing” church like a good little Christian and hope for the best. Or I could stop the draining ritual and throw my energy into “being” church: exhorting, spurring, stirring, holding fast and getting focused with myself, with friends and with family. 

But wait a minute: if none of those things in the description of “doing” church are necessary or beneficial to church, and if everything about “being” church is taken directly from the description of church in Hebrews, then aren’t we missing something?

Indeed.

I have not left the church. I have just come to realize that the church is so much bigger and destined for so much more than Sunday singing and fellowship coffee. If we don’t acknowledge the dangers posed by these rituals then it fosters complacency and there is no room for complacency in the church. The purpose of the church is to combat complacency, not foster it.

The time is short.

There is nothing wrong with meeting together for exhortation and activation while bowling on Tuesday, at the pub on Thursday, in an online forum in the middle of the night, at the park on Wednesday afternoon, in a house on Saturday, at a Monday lunch, on a Friday walk or indeed, at a Sunday morning meeting. The importance is not in the time, place or form; the importance is in the content.  

“It is better to stay in church and try to fix the problems from within. Abandonment is not a Christian choice. Stick with it and bring about reform.”

 

On the surface this seems like a good option. But lurking underneath this common sense approach is a nasty problem.

It is wrong, and exhausting, to support something you don’t believe in.

From the content of the sermon message and the cookie cutter format to the existence of church buildings and the misuse of funds, there are things we don’t agree with about church. To shrug our shoulders and continue with it anyway is to silence ourselves and deny what we believe to be right. 

·         I for one will never again feel justified giving money to a church that is paying for a building that sits empty during the week.

·         I will never again feel right belonging to a gathering of believers who enjoy singing and hearing messages every Sunday, but never change their lives and goals to try to align with the Father’s will; I cannot allow myself to be comfortable surrounded by praise every weekend, but no worship

“On that day many will say to me ‘Lord, Lord, did we not… do mighty works in your name?’ And I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’” 

Matthew 7:22-23. 

But Lord, LORD – did we not sing many praises, shake many hands, drink many coffees, build many steeples, buy many pews, run many programs, meet many Sundays IN YOUR NAME?

“I never knew you; depart from me you workers of lawlessness.”

God doesn’t want our works without us. If we cannot give ourselves, we have no worship to offer.

So… Church is Bad?

Now – I am not saying everyone should walk out of their churches and never go back. I have already said that if you have a church that meets the Hebrews 10 definition of challenging inertia, spurring good deeds and demanding Romans 12 sacrificial worship then you have found a holy and pleasing community. But please, please let us examine our churches before assuming ours are doing fine. Examine with honest criticism and if you find that the community you are a part of falls short, then examine yourself and decide whether you are strong enough and have a calling to change those shortcomings or if you need to step away to be challenged and grow before you will be able to confront the club yourself.

It is time to stop doing church: the pews, pastor, greeters, buildings, and coffee; and learn to be the church.

 

If the Christian body needs to lose all its buildings and the framework needs to crumble for us to rediscover how to be the church, then yes, it is a good thing people are leaving the social club church. Perhaps this is not necessary. Perhaps we can redeem things from within. Perhaps we can turn every church building into a living breathing community like the Acts 2 church, and the empty buildings will disappear only because they are perpetually full. 

But perhaps not. 

There is more than one way to be the church. The old system does not need to be redeemed. It was not part of Christ’s model, nor was it part of the Jewish prophecies, nor a part of original creation. It is a man-made idea of church and we can ditch it as we see fit.